"Is that William?"

This afternoon, Nicholas was snuggled up beside me as I was checking my email.  Along the right column of hotmail was an ad for St. Jude's with a picture of a bald, pale child.  Nicholas pointed and said, "Mommy, is that William?" 

Words can't describe the feeling that came over me.  I immediately became choked-up and even struggled to get the words out of my mouth, "Oh no honey."  Well, my intuitive Nicholas didn't seem to believe me....he awkwardly paused and said, "Well, who is it?"  I said, "Just a little boy." 

As soon as the words came off my tongue, I noticed the text in the ad, "her New Years wish."

I instantly felt a lump in my throat.

All day, I continued to think about this interaction with Nicholas.  It bothered me but yet I couldn't pinpoint why it had so greatly upset me. Days later and many more hours of reliving the conversation, I've come to the understanding that its the realization of no matter how much you genuinely want to put the whole "cancer" experience behind us, you can't.  Period.  Its forever changed each and every one of us...even Nicholas at just 4-years old....its changed how we see the world, how we interact with others, our priorities, our values... and how even just a simple internet advertisement can make us feel in an instant.