What a HUGE accomplishment!

One year ago today, I can still vividly recall all the thoughts rushing through my head. It was my last day of pregnancy and I knew our lives as a family of 3 would be forever changed. I was a bit nervous (entering a repeat c-section was a whole lot more anxiety-provoking than the first time around), was wondering how Nicholas would react, worried how I'd balance life with a newborn and an active 2 1/2 year old, excited to announce his name to the family, wondering if nursing would work...on and on...but definitely, most ecstatic to meet the new little man of my life.

What I didn't know was just how much our lives would be different one year later. If someone was to tell me last May 21st that a year from now I'd be celebrating my baby's first birthday with him as a cancer survivor, after six tumultuous months of non-stop appointments, 7+ weeks of being hospitalized, 14 days in PICU's, 2 rounds of chemotherapy, 40+ hours of him under general anesthesia, 10 blood transfusions, us being responsible for caring for his central line and feeding him intravenously every day....not to mention 12 full months of never sleeping through a single night......I'd never believe it (to put it lightly).

This has been an unimaginable journey for our entire family. Our routines, traditions and all we've grown to expect has been interrupted. We have been separated from each other, including William and I not seeing Nicholas for 2+ weeks at a time. It has been an incredible stress on all of us. This experience has affected us in every aspect of our lives and surely in ways we've yet to even realize and understand. There was life before cancer... and now a new life after.

Some how, we have made it through all this...and more... and continue to take one day at a time (trust me, there are many days I have to take it one minute at a time - literally). As much as William has been through, as sick as he surely feels, he continues to provide me inspiration and strength to continue this fight for him....with him. I have become his words, trying my best to advocate for him. In return, I get little smirks made with two gorgeous lips, catch glimpses of a twinkle in his eyes, lots of sloppy kisses and the joy of seeing my two boys light up when interacting with each other.

I've truly missed blogging over the past 6 months for many reasons. I miss the ability to journal our family's adventures of what should be such a fun time in our lives with two growing, mischievous boys...I miss having positive events I'd want to share and look back on... and I miss the innocence of life before cancer.

Putting all aside, we are where we are. We have been forever changed, whether we wanted it or not. And more amazingly, William is turning one tomorrow! I can't think of a better reason to resume blogging...to share little snip-its of our lives and to document just how far we've come....

Here's some of my favorite pictures of William over the past few weeks.

He was so pround of himself for grabbing grass.

~ my favorite ~

~ singing "If you're happy and you know it" ~

~ this is how he feels about rice cereal! ~

nice tall kneeling, buddy!

While brother naps, William gets in his time in the coupe!

He has the yummiest toes!

His look of "hey, what is Nicholas doing over there!"